After about 50 self-introductions, I’ve finally finished introducing myself to all classes at the four junior high schools. It only took six months. I’ve compiled the top 20 questions they asked following my self-introduction. Their provocative queries and my honest responses are below:
20. What is your best time in the 100-meter dash?
Slow.
19. What’s your salary?
Peanuts.
18. Who is the prettiest teacher at this school?
Next question, please. [What I wanted to say: They’re all over the hill, so the prize goes to the principal’s 25-year-old acne-cheeked secretary who dresses in skimpy bedclothes.]
17. Do you own a gun?
No, but in Thailand I shot a crossbow at a jackfruit.
16. Is it true that it is prohibited to wear a hood in front of black people?
Unless it’s a white hood, you’ve been watching too much terebi.
15. Is English of black people different?
Hip-hop music video lyrics may not match vocabulary contained within your Let’s Talk textbook.
14. Have you met Arnold Schwarzenegger?
No, but does Bill Clinton count?
13. How did you get so tall?
By studying so hard, my brain grew and so did the rest of my body.
12. What are the positives and negatives of having a high nose?
Probably the same as having slanty eyes.
11. Have you ever seen a UFO?
No UFOs, but betcha didn’t know your teacher was an illegal alien.
10. Do you like our class more than your mother?
No, my mom makes me delicious smoothies.
9. Where was your first kiss?
[Ruled taboo by Japanese teacher.]
8. What kind of woman do you like?
[Scanning brain for PG-13 adjectives]…I like a smart woman.
7. At what temperature do you have your bath?
I take showers, but thanks.
6. Do you like whisky?
No.
5. Chicken, beef, or pork?
Pork, but I try to keep kosher.
4. Can you eat five cakes in one day?
You know, not all Americans are pigs.
3. What is your blood type?
Unsure. [Blood type here indicates compatibility or personality, like a zodiac sign].
2. I want to go to New York. What is your telephone number?
In New York or Tokyo? 080-30**-**** [cut off by Japanese teacher].
1. Will you marry me if I become the Prime Minister of Japan?
Mochiron! Of course!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Kids Say the Darn’dest Things
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4 comments:
It's sad that people in other countries think every black person in America speaks Ebonics and lives a gansta lifestyle.
I hope you told them that's not true.
Sorry for the rant. Things like that bother me.
hey, how's it going? just wanted to say i've been reading your blog for a while now...i'm an ESL teacher living in taiwan and apparently i'm the first one to visit your site from there...anyway, excellent read and keep up the interesting and informative writing...drop by mine sometime if you've got an itch to read others' experiences...by the by, where o where did you find the nifty site counter...i want one! keep on truckin'
Kitchen Kitten - it is sad indeed, but these kids are young and impressionable. Japan is a very homogenous, closed society. Outside of a few central areas, I see few foreigners, even though I live and work in the country's biggest city. Sightings of black people are rare. So these kids know very little about other cultures and ethnicities except what they see on TV. I do my best to educate them beyond English grammar.
Your day can sound a lot more interesting than mine mate. The little darlings really are precious aren't they.
And I LOVE the site counter thing as well. I will search for one now...my afternoon activity at work.
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